ironically hopeful.

• guidelines
• history
• connections

aesthetic. freshly mowed grass, pristine uniform, well kept and short hair, crisp fall air, cold hands, cold water and colder heart, black and white movies, keeping old written articles, midnight talks, gentle touches along someone's back, screams heard through walls, getting under someone's skin.

name ㅡ shin haon.
age ㅡ 26.
dob ㅡ feb 18th.
pob ㅡ san francisco, usa.
gender ㅡ male.
nationality ㅡ korean-american.
languages ㅡ korean, english.
zodiac ㅡ aquarius.
body type ㅡ lean/muscular.
eyecolor ㅡ light brown.
hair color, type ㅡ dark brown/straight.
birthmarks, scars ㅡ two birthmarks along his back, one on the palm of his hand, several beauty marks among his body.
tattoos ㅡ one on his ear.
piercings ㅡ none.
clothingstyle&accessories ㅡ mostly casual attire, rings, keeping everything color cohesive.
mbti personality type ㅡ ESFP
alignment ㅡ chaotic neutral.
immediate family ㅡ mother, father, a sister, a brother.
faceclaim ㅡ hansol chwe.

positive ㅡ resourceful, modest, intuitive, stays calm under pressure.
negative ㅡ detached, pessimistic, secretive, won't help others unless he cares deeply about them.
parenting ㅡ a hardworking mother who gave them everything but time; bonding the most with his younger sister and acting as a father figure to the family.
hobbies ㅡ swimming, sports, outdoor activities when the weather is appropriate, reading, listening to old music, watching classic movies.
notable features ㅡ toned body, long and dexterous fingers.
personality ㅡ easy to get along with anyone regardless of their personalities, quite serious and blunt, but means no harm usually.
upbringing ㅡ mostly well-off. when his mother’s career took off, they had no known financial struggles.
enemies ㅡ none for now.
heroes ㅡ his mother.
financial status wealthy, currently stable but keeps himself busy with work.
room decor ㅡ simple, loves white and black decorations, lofi music in the background & keeping it as dark as possible.
minor goals/ambitions ㅡ work less for more money, set a schedule for his sleep and work out.
greatest achievement ㅡ graduating with the best GPA in class while missing most of his classes.
worst nightmare ㅡ his father finding out the situation between him and his brother.
sense of humor ㅡ sarcasm and wit take the crown, pretty easy to amuse otherwise.

education ㅡ spent most of it in the us, moved to seoul to finish his bachelor's degree in seoul national university.
occupation ㅡ currently as a full-time pharmaceutical writer
career ㅡ looking to be an independent journalist, writing mostly about medicine and politics connections.

" let go,
or go back."

collections ㅡ books, medicine
infancy ㅡ does not remember
childhood ㅡ falling a lot, learned how to swim, dance, play soccer, ride a horse, volleyball, helped his brother with his homework, his chores, and confessing to his first crush.
adolescence ㅡ looks like going from chasing money to chasing girls, from love to money, chasing the impossible and the normal student, countless encounters with all kinds of people, a teacher included. he helps at home by raising his younger sister, helps him get her first partner, and also helps pay the mortgage. he goes from chasing his life to chasing a change.
adulthood ㅡ in progress.
main goal ㅡ undecided.

• guidelines.
• biography.
• connections.

tw: mentions of violence, bullying and alcohol abuse.he's a child at heart and soul though he knows better than that. the city he grows up in sleeps under the over-crowded loss of freedoms and dreams, doesn't let him grow as much as he should considering that he got most opportunities he ever asked for. he holds onto the hope of it one day, seeking sweet release while pounding on the pavement when he's more than a child but less than an adult.
he grows to help others grow, two siblings, rain goes down the grates, debating foundations of late nights shared with his mother. she's the only one he loves in his good days and the bad ones too.she's a rock, a wall, a life lesson. she's a former teacher who opted to retire once money was not a concern and she was confident she could give all the kids could possibly need. he is a beloved planned kid who has given her some new life after life fell short of the expectations she had for it. despite their age difference, the two enjoy a deep friendship that compensates for the absence of a third one to help the kids grow, a father figure, a parent.he learns to respect his mother and avoids talking about his father around her. her mother simply steers clear of the subject, telling him it's better that way.
he grows to hate him, despise anything that has ever hurt his mother.
the hatred is safe and sound like a boundless waste. it's bounding out the way, when down deep all he wants do is take away the pain from her.it appears that his mother raised him first and mostly, and that he afterwards helped her with the fatherly figure missing. he spends so much time with his younger sister that he starts to dislike her. living his life by being her bodyguard allows him to protect her from the outside world, merely to one day despise her for what he never had. it starts with her bragging about having the world's most innocent brother and how one day she'd be just like him to be the parent of the person who would typically be the one to nurture and take care of him.he seeks to save, not drown.
so roads become rivers, pools, vacations at the lakes and split in splinters and fights.they fight like siblings, but hate like strangers. that's something they inherited from the parent that never stayed.

even though it was meant to be a phase, he becomes agitated and upset, regrettably vents his emotions all at once.as he gets older, it only gets worse.his mother implores him to remain composed since she won't always be by his side and he'll only have his siblings. still, he is unable to control his wrath since it has been bottled up for so long. he has imposed it on others. ones he's bullied, ones he's battled, ones he's taken upon himself in the form of angry yells, and ones he's drowned in an amazing quantity of drink, others in fights.
after his highschool graduation, life surprises him and his mother falls ill. it’s a terminal illness and his life seems to come down on him. the only person in the world he is sure of loving is no longer the formidable person he thought she was and life reminds him of it everyday.
he goes from taking care of no one, to the entire family.
they travel often and he starts work-hunting, knowing that all of the savings will go to all and any treatment for his mother that keep her a few more days on this earth, until his mother physically can’t anymore, his heart growing heavier every day he's told that his mother deteriorates with each visit to the hospital.he seems to shut down, paddle out when it gets too difficult to navigate.it takes him months to decide what he wants to do next, what he should do next. he remembers he doesn't have the luxury of time and finally makes amends.he apologizes. he gets clean, he works, he saves money. he takes care of his mother and siblings who get more childish every day when they're not the ones with the burden.
his mother assures him that there is no need for him to work. that she has it all under control but he can't stay still.
it's a year later after the last diagnosis that it turns into just the three of them. only the siblings remain. three kids with no father in sight.
he doesn't heal well, it's like he doesn't have the time to do it. like a bruise that never disappears.next thing after the funeral, is taking care of the siblings that are living a life through his work. he endures in honor to his mother.
it becomes stagnant. him growing, aiming for better yet being dragged back by the people he knows he should love. his family. his oh, dear family.